Nauticology - a series of alternative definition!

Nauticology - a series in 26 parts

No.1 - the letter 'A'

Aground Going this usually occurs on a falling tide giving rise to a state of stability, peace and tranquility in the medium term - unless on a single keeled craft when panic usually ensues.

Ahoy! Call used to attract the attention of those aloft, aft, abaft, abeam or, simply, 'There'.

Anchor A heavy object tethering a boat to the bottom of the sea, river, canal etc. until either
(i) the current or wind strength exceeds 2 knots;
(ii) the ship's cook has served dinner;
(iii) the crew are all abed, or 3am - which ever occurs first.

Angler Creature (possibly sentient) found motionless at water's edge seeking to catch a higher, albeit much smaller, life form. Can be ignored - not dangerous unless disturbed.

Aye Aye Long winded way of saying 'yes'. Often associated with the word 'Zur' (see no.26 in the series)

No.2 - the letter 'B'

Barge Floating rectangular metal container carrying inert (usually) cargo / crew. Note how narrowboat owners get unaccountably upset when their craft are referred to as one of these.

Battery Electrical storage device with design life of one week more than its warranty; sometimes capable of keeping a small lightbulb just glowing for one hour after a day's cruising.

Berth A horizontal sleeping area somewhat smaller than the average human frame in repose and, invariably, onto which water drips.

Bulkhead The feeling on the morning after the night before when you banged your head on structures in the boat designed to fit doors into.

Butty (i) If a breasted pair of narrowboats tries to overtake you, one is likely to be one of these. It probably hasn't got an engine; on the other hand, it probably doesn't need one.
(ii) Closely associated with bacon - usually at about eleven o'clock in the morning.

No.3 - the letter 'C'

Canal Super-highway for telecommunications, cyclists, dog walkers and fishermen. Sometimes navigable with care.

Channel (i) The deeper bit that passing boats always find whilst you go aground.
(ii) Sweet smelling perfume - not canal water.

Cowl Curvacious piece of metal irresistably attractive to tree branches and other vegetation overhanging the canal. Expensive.

Cratch Awning that covers valuable space at front end of narrowboat - now completely filled with old wellington boots, dead flowers in plastic pots, and other boating debris.

Crew (i) Body that does all the hard work - often under instruction from the helm as to how to retrieve an impossible situation that the latter got the boat into in the first place.
(ii) Group of disparate (desperate?) souls - often half cut.

No.4 -the letter 'D'

Dingy A small, dirty-looking, sailing vessel crewed by one or two seemingly suicidal persons determined to get run down by larger vessels.

Dinky A small, dainty-looking, sailing vessel occupied by one or two young persons and invariably becalmed or otherwise making no headway whatsoever.

Dit,dit,dit
Dah,dah,dah
Dit,dit, dit Sound made by the unlucky, the incautious, or the inept at sea. Often heard from the latter on a Bank Holiday.

Draught The depth of water a vessel takes to float in; usually some four inches more than that generally available on the canals during the summer months. (see dredger below)

Dredger Mud mover used to raise towpath height above water level. Once relatively common, the dredger is now an endangered species.

No.5 - the letter 'E'

Easy! A command to act less vigorously or to stop rocking the boat. Sometimes an expression of self-congratulation.

Echo-sounder The voice from below that says 'I told you so' when you go aground.

Effluent You probably are this if you own a thirty foot plus, multi-storey, plastic fantastic and habitually use it on non tidal waters.

Error The amount by which something is incorrect or inaccurate in a calculation or measurement. A compass might have this, but a navigator will deny ever making one himself.

Etiquette The rules that you follow and wonder why nobody else seems to have heard of them.

No.6 - the letter 'F'

Fender Means of protecting bank edges and other property owned by BW or EA from being damaged by your boat. GRP vessels seem to need a lot of these.

Flash lock The one you got through without touching the sides or making any mistakes whatsoever.

Fly-boat That b***** travelling at the speed of light that caused your mooring pins to be pulled out and your boat to end up diagonally accross the cut at 6am this morning.

Flying-bridge Poser platform on plastic fantastic. Best used for G & T when there is no 'R' in the month.

Freeboard The part of a vessel's side above the water-line and inversely proportional to the quantity of beer and spirits on board. Possibly friends and acquaintances angling for a no-cost weekend on your boat.

Home

Aground	Going this usually occurs on a falling tide giving rise to a state of stability, peace and tranquility in the medium term - unless on a single keeled craft when panic usually ensues.
Ahoy!	Call used to attract the attention of those aloft, aft, abaft, abeam or, simply, 'There'.
Anchor	A heavy object tethering a boat to the bottom of the sea, river, canal etc. until either (i) the current or wind strength exceeds 2 knots; (ii) the ship's cook has served dinner; (iii) the crew are all abed, or 3am - which ever occurs first.
Angler	Creature (possibly sentient) found motionless at water's edge seeking to catch a higher, albeit much smaller, life form. Can be ignored - not dangerous unless disturbed.
Aye Aye	Long winded way of saying 'yes'. Often associated with the word 'Zur' (see no.26 in the series)

Barge	Floating rectangular metal container carrying inert (usually) cargo / crew. Note how narrowboat owners get unaccountably upset when their craft are referred to as one of these.
Battery	Electrical storage device with design life of one week more than its warranty; sometimes capable of keeping a small lightbulb just glowing for one hour after a day's cruising.
Berth	A horizontal sleeping area somewhat smaller than the average human frame in repose and, invariably, onto which water drips.
Bulkhead	The feeling on the morning after the night before when you banged your head on structures in the boat designed to fit doors into.
Butty	(i) If a breasted pair of narrowboats tries to overtake you, one is likely to be one of these. It probably hasn't got an engine; on the other hand, it probably doesn't need one. (ii) Closely associated with bacon - usually at about eleven o'clock in the morning.

Canal	Super-highway for telecommunications, cyclists, dog walkers and fishermen. Sometimes navigable with care.
Channel	(i) The deeper bit that passing boats always find whilst you go aground. (ii) Sweet smelling perfume - not canal water.
Cowl	Curvacious piece of metal irresistably attractive to tree branches and other vegetation overhanging the canal. Expensive.
Cratch	Awning that covers valuable space at front end of narrowboat - now completely filled with old wellington boots, dead flowers in plastic pots, and other boating debris.
Crew	(i) Body that does all the hard work - often under instruction from the helm as to how to retrieve an impossible situation that the latter got the boat into in the first place. (ii) Group of disparate (desperate?) souls - often half cut.

Dingy	A small, dirty-looking, sailing vessel crewed by one or two seemingly suicidal persons determined to get run down by larger vessels.
Dinky	A small, dainty-looking, sailing vessel occupied by one or two young persons and invariably becalmed or otherwise making no headway whatsoever.
Dit,dit,dit Dah,dah,dah Dit,dit, dit	Sound made by the unlucky, the incautious, or the inept at sea. Often heard from the latter on a Bank Holiday.
Draught	The depth of water a vessel takes to float in; usually some four inches more than that generally available on the canals during the summer months. (see dredger below)
Dredger	Mud mover used to raise towpath height above water level. Once relatively common, the dredger is now an endangered species.

Easy!	A command to act less vigorously or to stop rocking the boat. Sometimes an expression of self-congratulation.
Echo-sounder	The voice from below that says 'I told you so' when you go aground.
Effluent	You probably are this if you own a thirty foot plus, multi-storey, plastic fantastic and habitually use it on non tidal waters.
Error	The amount by which something is incorrect or inaccurate in a calculation or measurement. A compass might have this, but a navigator will deny ever making one himself.
Etiquette	The rules that you follow and wonder why nobody else seems to have heard of them.

Fender	Means of protecting bank edges and other property owned by BW or EA from being damaged by your boat. GRP vessels seem to need a lot of these.
Flash lock	The one you got through without touching the sides or making any mistakes whatsoever.
Fly-boat	That b***** travelling at the speed of light that caused your mooring pins to be pulled out and your boat to end up diagonally accross the cut at 6am this morning.
Flying-bridge	Poser platform on plastic fantastic. Best used for G & T when there is no 'R' in the month.
Freeboard	The part of a vessel's side above the water-line and inversely proportional to the quantity of beer and spirits on board. Possibly friends and acquaintances angling for a no-cost weekend on your boat.